Little deaths


Back when I had a lover that would actually have sex with me, there were times when orgasming would cause me to feel overwhelmed with emotion. I would experience a sudden but brief sense of crushing loss that would reduce me to tears. It was embarrassing but with the right lover it was beautiful. 

A lover once refered to this as, "la petite mort" which is a French expression that means
, "the little deaths," or "the brief loss or weakening of consciousness" and in modern usage refers specifically to the sensations of a post orgasm as likened to death.

"La petite mort" has also been used to refer to the feeling of dying a little inside after a traumatic incident. In the absence of intimacy and love I feel little deaths consume me. Like a tree gradually succumbing to a disease, each leaf that falls is a little death slowly stripping me of life and color. 

I've gone from having beautiful orgasms that felt like dying in ecstacy to a life that's so devoid of romance that I'm slowly dying inside. This is a eulogy for my sex life.