Slowly becoming an anxious wreck that can't hold her shit together. If I gnaw my foot off now I'll bleed out before I can gain enough distance for the ends to justify the means. I just need to keep telling myself this. I just need to hold on a little while longer. I need distance so I can reflect and gain some perspective on this mess. I have a trip to New York coming up at the end of February, which doesn't include him, maybe then I'll be able to think clearly.